Me, Myself and I
by Serenity's Ghost
Summary: Serenity Wheeler finds herself with 3 personalities to deal with...and they're all hers. The only thing keeping them together is a journal about their days. But, the funny thing about journals is that you have to read them...or it may kill you...
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, everybody. This is my first post so I hope you enjoy it. Please be gentle with me.**

**Standard Disclaimer: I don't own most of these characters so since I stated that don't charge me ****...**

**Enjoy**

My name is Serenity Wheeler. I am nineteen years of age. Just a few years ago, I regained my eyesight thanks to prize money my brother won at a Duel Monsters competition. That was five years ago.

For those five years, I played the role of innocent little sister, not to say that I wasn't really an innocent little girl back then. But a lot can happen in five years, enough to hurt you, enough to scar you and enough to drive you over the edge.

That's what happened to me.

Life was too complicated for me. My father was a drunk and when he died I felt some pang of remorse which very quickly dissipated. My mother was a very weak woman who couldn't care for me very well. Even when I was going blind, she couldn't muster the strength to deal with it. Joey was the one who was strong for me, Joey and myself. I had to push myself through that tunnel of darkness—literally and figuratively; I could not see—and emerge victorious with my hope and pride and faith intact. It was hard but if I didn't do it, no one would have for me.

For a while, I travelled with Joey, Mai, Yugi, Tristan, Tea and, to some extent, Seto and Mokuba Kaiba. I witnessed the dramas of being a duelist and my poor heart couldn't really take it. I was fragile and frail, having been hidden away from the world for so long because of my blindness and the mere fact that just about everybody was trying to kill us was traumatising. Somewhere along that chain of events, I began to change.

My name is Serenity Wheeler. I am now nineteen years old and I have a multiple personality disorder, thanks to the hell that we call 'life'.

'Serenity' is my main persona. She is who I was born as, the girl I suppose I was meant to be, the girl that I want to remain as. She is the innocent one, the one who is optimistic and positive, the one who fits well into the little sister role even now. But all the trouble that brewed in my life before would not allow me to remain as her.

That was when 'Anasara' was born. She was more of a realist. Most people aren't aware of their multiple personalities but I've been having therapy and they've been isolated. Anasara was the girl who considered things like pain, bad outcomes and death. She thought about consequences and did what she thought was worthwhile. But both of these personalities were too closed.

That was why 'Sarazuka' was born, the girl who was radical and fun-loving, who lived illogically and in the moment and was reckless and selfish. It was all about enjoying life for her. At all costs.

It was the week that I realised that there were blank patches in my memory that I decided to go to a psychologist. I knew from experience when things started looking wrong that you didn't wait to go look for help. Doctor Morton was very lucky. All three personalities came out to meet him personally. When I was informed of the other two personalities, tears formed in my eyes but I knew I could handle it. Doctor Morton had encouraged each personality to write a diary of what happened when they were in control. Every night before I went to sleep, I would read this diary. Some days, what I read nearly killed me.

**And it goes on...**


	2. Chapter 2

Anasara

Some days I wondered why I had always been so passive and babyish for so long. It disgusted me when I thought about it too much. The girl that I was now, this Anasara, she was a better kind of person to deal with the world that we were living in.

All three of us attended a community college during the day until about twelve. In the meantime, for money, Serenity insisted that we work in a minimart, a quiet kind of job. She didn't seem to consider how easy it would be to be gunned down and robbed. No, she wanted something easy and simple. But I suppose she deserves some credit for what happened to me because of there.

I was working there one day when the very unlikely Seto Kaiba walked in. He came up to the clear cash register with a pack of batteries and some liquorice, the latter of which I really wasn't expecting for Mr. Big Wig.

"I didn't expect to see you here," he said, same flat expression on his face as always.

"Likewise. I wouldn't have expected you to like black liquorice either, but unexpected things happen, don't they?"

"I suppose I should ask how you are." I scanned the two items.

"No need. You're not particularly a social butterfly and I understand that."

"Really? And there I was thinking positive Serenity would have encouraged me to reach out to other people."

I don't know what my motivation was, but I didn't plan on correcting him. For one, Serenity would not like it if I went about telling people that she was schizo. I didn't want to destroy her, but at the same time, I didn't want to be her. I would keep up the rouse. I chuckled.

"Let's just say that I've changed."

"Serenity! You're on break! Twenty minutes!" Andi called from in the aisles. When she emerged and saw me talking to Kaiba, she stopped abruptly. "Oh, wow."

"Want to go for a walk?" he asked. There was something I wasn't expecting. I smiled.

"Your schedule isn't chocked full of business and crap?"

"Actually, I'm ducking some duties at the moment."

"There's something I never thought I'd hear Mr. Corporate say. I thought you were married to your work."

"People cheat." I laughed.

"Alright." I shed the apron and left it on the counter and looked back at Andi.

"Andi, I'll be back."

"You better be," she called back, smiling.

We just casually walked on the sidewalk quietly for a moment before I broke the silence within the noisy city.

"So, what brought this on?" I asked. Kaiba started on his liquorice.

"Seeing you unexpectedly gave me a sense of déjà vu. It reminded me of all those times I was stuck with you and your little friends fighting all those idiots who thought they stood a chance against me."

"You say 'little friends' like you're not their age."

"We might be the same age but in terms of maturity, I'm way older than them." I smirked.

"So proud."

"And you seem so different. The Serenity I knew was always smiling and cheerful like the damn sun emanated from her. I'll admit, sometimes it was a bit refreshing but most of the time it was just damn annoying." I laughed. "What happened?"

"Life caught up to me. I realised it was dumb to always be nice to a world that wouldn't think twice about smashing in my lungs and anally raping me." He turned and looked at me, stopping dead in his tracks. "Words too violent?"

"Some transition. I need a little time to see exactly how much you've changed. You're the last person I would have expected to give reference to anal rape." I laughed again.

"That's just how it is. As a businessman, you can sympathise with me." He nodded and we began to walk again.

"Yeah, I can. How's Joey?"

"You ask as if you care."

"Hey, I'm being polite, even if I wish I could throw him over a bridge."

"Why start now? You've been a bitch all your life, why try to be Mr. Courtesy now?" He shot me another long look.

"You curse now, too. Big shell shock."

"I don't know anyone who doesn't curse. Even Joey's lips get loose when he's angry."

"I can't imagine Yugi cursing."

"Actually, you're right. I've never heard him curse."

"You've never heard me curse either."

"I'm not around you enough to hear you curse. In most cases, you don't give a shit about me enough to want to spend time with me."

"Maybe you're changing my mind now. I'm feeling more relaxed now, which was the point of leaving the office. You're the only one of that geeky little group who I didn't know much about. Maybe this is to fix that."

"You sure you're not just looking for an easy screw?" He stopped dead again.

"Why in hell would you say that?"

"You stressed big wigs have a tendency to have a lot of pent of energy. That why most of you are sluts."

"In any case, are you telling me that you're an easy screw?"

"No, I'm about to negate that. In case it was your thought, I'm not. Not that I've really been around a lot of guys, anyway."

"As far as I knew, Duke and Tristan were fighting for your affections."

"They're not people I could consider for my affections. I've been travelling with them. They're like family to my brother and to me. I can't do that."

"Do you feel familiarly towards me?" he asked, smirking.

"No. You've been Mr. Solo Bitch all along. We didn't get close. You're not one of the people who gave any thought to my safety. The rest of them have." His smirk widened.

"So where do we stand?"

"More than strangers, less than friends. Acquaintances maybe?"

"Suppose that's not good enough for me." I laughed.

"Sounds like you're insinuating something." He gave me a long look and then smiled. "You don't have time for relationships so I know that's a joke."

"Now you're insulting me."

"If you need someone to help you take your mind off, you know where and when to find me from Mondays to Thursdays."

"Maybe I'll stop by again. We should start getting back."

"We should. How's Mokuba?"

"Good. Your typical, hormonal seventeen-year old."

"And, of course, you can say that with such disgust because five years ago you were never like that."

"It's always been about business for me. If I'm not the best then I might as well be dead."

"But you're not the best. Yugi always topped you."

"What are you trying to do to my pride?"

"Nothing. I'm just saying."

"Fair enough. But after him, no one can beat me. He's not a businessman for the very least. And Yugi never beat me. It was the spirit of that damn ancient puzzle."

"That's true. But if it's any merit, you deserve your place. You've worked hard for it." We got back to the car park and we stopped in front of a silver sports car.

"Thanks, kid." He ruffled my hair and I swatted his hand away with a smile.

"I'm not fourteen anymore." His eyes fixed on mine and then his face came towards mine. His lips delicately touched mine, and just as I parted mine receptively, he pulled away.

"Thanks again, kid. See you later." He got into the car and I stepped away as he drove off. I went back in, intrigued by this guy who my brother hated intensely but who seemed so fascinating to me. In my eyes, he just seemed misunderstood.

Every week, he came and visited me the same day and at the same time. Sometime he would come a few hours later to catch me just as I was going home and we'd go to some tranquil spot just to talk. After three weeks, I came to find that I had quite a liking for him. He was smart, a genius, with just as sombre an attitude to the world as I had developed, but, when we were together, it just felt like everything was lighter. I'd never heard him laugh before but occasionally I could coax a chuckle out of him. I laughed a lot. It amazed me that all that time he'd been this person who was sour but rather amiable. I enjoyed being around him.

"Serenity, does your brother know that you've been hanging out with me?" he asked one Sunday night in that very same third week.

"No. He's been busy these days so we don't see each other or talk a lot."

"I wonder what his reaction would be like."

"Well it's not like if we're sneaking around. He'd probably respect my decision to be friends with you. He's not as unreasonable as you think."

"I'd be pissed if I found out Mokuba was getting too friendly with Tea or some one of them."

"We're getting too friendly?" He brought his face down to mine and his lips contacted with mine. Only too pleased, my lips parted and received his until we were kissing. He was soft at first and then he pushed me against the windshield of the car—we had been sitting on the bonnet—and he covered me with himself. The pressure and urgency increased and I could feel the passion stirring between us. The kisses became short and continuous, but passionate nonetheless, his hands were on my face and at the back of my neck and my hands were in turn on either side of his neck.

When we were both hopelessly breathless, he pulled back and looked at me.

"Now we are." I smiled and chuckled slightly.

"I can't figure out your motive for doing this," I admitted.

"I have to have a motive?"

"It would be appropriate for you to have a motive."

"But you know me better than that. I'm not always Mr. Solo Bitch. You've seen the better side of me."

I just looked at him while my breathing steadied and I put my leg up again and rested my arm on my knee.

"Be frank with me, Kaiba. I don't want you to keep me guessing."

"But you're so good at guessing."

"Kaiba."

"Alright." His face came closer to me again so that he was looking me dead in the eyes. "Serenity, I want you."

"What do you want from me?"

"Come with me." It didn't go over my head that he meant home.

"Will you stop hanging out with me after tonight?"

"You think I just want your body."

"Is there more that you want from me?"

"Don't make me say it, Serenity. You know I'm full of pride."

"If you're not willing to sacrifice some of your pride to be honest with me, why should I sacrifice my body to you?"

"I don't just want to sleep with you, Serenity. I want to keep meeting with you, being honest with you. You're the only person that I've ever been this honest with ever. You're the only girl I've ever wanted so much. Do you get it now?" I took his lips with my own in a short kiss and then looked him back in the eye.

"Take me with you."

He drove fast, knowing that at any minute I might change my mind and back out. But I knew I wouldn't. I was almost in love with him, or perhaps it was love, and if I had to give it to anyone, I'd prefer it be him. Kaiba was hot and rich and beneath the bitchy exterior was a man with feelings and loyalties that he hid behind a tall wall of haughtiness. Lucky for me, I saw beneath it. When we got to his mansion, he took my hand and led me straight to his bedroom, locking the door behind us and then he turned to face me.

"So you still want to do this? I won't take you unwillingly," he said. I smiled and touched his face.

"I want you to be my first. I like the man beneath the cold, hard exterior, Kaiba. I want you, too."

"There's no going back once we do this, you know that right?"

"Take me, Seto. Stop talking and just take me."

He came at me with his usual serious expression, but I could sense the storm behind the mask. His lips crashed down upon mine and my face was between his hands again. He was urgent and full of passion and I could feel the tension come off in waves. It made me want him more, knowing that he wanted me so badly.

His hands roamed down until they were and the edge of my blouse and his fingertips brushed against my stomach in a delicious, beyond innocent way. I reached for his jacket and he broke the kiss and shrugged out of it and took off his belt. I pulled my shirt over my head and his eyes trailed over my almost bare chest.

"More." It was a command and I didn't want to disobey. I went for my jeans which I then unbuttoned and slid down my legs until I stood before him in just my underwear.

"Your turn," I replied. His waistcoat and shirt were off in seconds and his pants and belt were off until he stood before me in his short, tight boxer briefs. His body was toned and long and lean...and calling for mine. He came towards me and put his arms around my hips and steered me towards the bed and we fell on it together. His lips crashed down on mine again, this time, his tongue begging for entrance into my lips which I granted easily. His tongue touched mine and the hot, sweet, wet contact sent a rush of passion down my spine, hot and heavy.

"Go higher," he said. I crawled back up on the bed until my head was on his pillow. His lips touched my stomach and a small groan of enjoyment came from my lips. His thumbs rubbed circles on the inside of my thigh as his lips roamed my stomach and I felt myself heating in response. His fingers hooked in the waistband of my panty and pulled it down until I was slightly exposed and his lips brushed over the newly bare flesh. My hips raised to him and I groaned in response.

"Seto."

He didn't respond; he just continued to let his lips roam on my tender, sensitive flesh. His tongue touched me and the groan became a high cry. He removed the rest of the barrier from my hips, pulling it from my legs and leaving me exposed. His tongue probed me open and tasted me long and slow, forcing another sound from me. My fingers clutched the sheets beneath me and I broke out into a sweat. God but it felt good. I wanted to rip the rest of his clothes off and ride him.

"Seto. Take me."

"Not yet. Just wait a little longer."

"I don't think I can."

"You can. Just let it wash over you. Don't hold back."

"Will someone hear us?"

"Mokuba's not home and the guards are nowhere near my room."

He journeyed back to me and kissed my lips again, his hands venturing behind my back to unclasp the bra. It came easily and the thought occurred to me that I wasn't his first.

"Seto?"

"Serenity?"

"How many were there before me?"

"Not many. Not any that I really cared about."

"But you care about me." He kissed me again.

"You know I do."

"If you're lying, you'll kill me."

"I wouldn't lie to you. You're something special, something close. I'm not about to let you go to anyone else by hurting you."

"Take it off. All of it." He knelt over me and removed his underwear and was before me naked and glorious. He was so beautiful. I wanted to take him.

He was looking at me, probably relishing the sight of me naked and moist on his bed, hair spilt all over his pillow and eyes warming with desire. I forced myself up on my own knees and put my arms around his neck and kissed him long and hard. His bare body against mine was amazing and intoxicating. His hands made their way to my behind and he pulled me against him so I could feel him hardening for me. A groan escaped from my throat into our kiss and he just pulled me harder towards him.

I slid my hands down his chest and my lips made their way to his neck where I kissed and tasted and grazed my teeth. A throaty groan was his only response and it compelled me to give attention to the other side. After a long moment, I travelled down to his chest and his defined abs and eventually to his waiting length. As I held his behind, I began to kiss him, desiring his voice around my name and his equal enjoyment as he had done to me.

"Serenity." My lips opened and slid around him and his groan became more pronounced and more seductive, only serving to fuel my passion. I was slow as my lips roamed his length and found myself enjoying it because he was. Whatever this was costing me, it was more than worth it.

"Serenity, I need you." I came back to his lips and he fell onto the bed, taking me with him. His thumbs applied pressure to my peaks and my body rose up towards his. His fingers swept the roundness of my breasts and my body felt purely electric.

"Seto."

"Are you ready?"

"Yes, I'm ready." He kissed me and his arms came around me, encircling me, protecting me and keeping me to him. "Seto." He looked into my eyes, and they were dark with intense need. Just the look in them made me want to moan. "For you, when you take me, call me Anasara."

"Anasara?"

"It's a name closer to me that Serenity."

"Anything for you."

He forced his leg between mine to draw them slightly apart and his focus remained right at my eyes so that I could see that he was genuine and his desire.

"It will hurt at first, but then it'll go away and you'll feel nothing but pleasure."

"I trust you. Take me."

"Yes. Trust me. Because I love you." My breath hitched in my throat, having heard the words I'd always wanted to hear deep within me, illogical and unexplainable and intangible as love was. It decided for me in my mind.

"I love you, too." He smiled and then he began to sheath himself in me.

He was wide and as he coaxed himself into me, I felt my body tensing at the way the foreign part was being forced slowly into me. I gasped in pain, tears springing to my eyes and whimpering in a high-pitched tone, clutching his biceps and letting my nails ground themselves there.

"I love you. I'm sorry. It'll be over soon." He made one final, forceful push and I felt a slight tearing followed by a wave of pain inside of me that caused me the cry out. He kissed my neck and my cheek and crooned soothingly at me.

"Just a little more." He pulled out and the pain continued and the tears began to roll down my face. He was being slow and it felt like torture and for a second I wished he would stopped. But then he re-entered and the pain was less. He continued to move and after his fifth movement, my body felt loosened, receptive and the pain had subsided. He re-entered again, and this time the friction felt sweet and intense, deep and at my core pleasurable and I moaned in his ear.

"Anasara," he whispered.

"Seto."

He continued to move and with each slow movement I called his name and he mine. His lips searched for mine and he kissed me hard and tender all at once and gradually his pace quickened. My throat spoke wordless sounds of pleasure into our kiss, his own sounds responding and as we reached the zenith of our unification, I opened my eyes with much difficulty and found him looking at me, smiling slightly. He stayed where he was for a long moment and then withdrew, hugging me tightly and rolling over so that I was on his chest. He let go for a moment and I shifted so that he could get the covers and he put them over us and I returned to his side.

"I'm yours," he said, and I wasn't expecting the sweet, open words that touched my heart just as tenderly as our love-making had.

"I'm yours, too," I responded. He reached for my lips and I kissed him, body still humming with the amazing ecstasy coursing through my nerves and fibres. When he broke the kiss and looked me in the eye, I'd found my voice enough to say what I wanted.

"Take me again."


	3. Chapter 3

Sarazuka

That job that Serenity got for us was a bit of a bore and I would have preferred something more exotic and a little wild to let out all that pent up energy for trying to be so conservative all the time. I felt as if maybe I was expecting something, oddly enough, but then again, I suppose I was always waiting for something to make my life worthwhile. And then, worthwhile walked in.

"Doctor Morton!" I exclaimed as he walked in. He knew I worked there but he seemed surprised, probably because he just came in out of necessity and wasn't really thinking about it.

"Serenity! Or is it Sarazuka?"

"How did you know?"

"Sarazuka, then. It's because Anasara is too passive to call me out so cheerfully. It had to be either you or Serenity. How are you?"

"I'm doing okay. We're journaling like you suggested and things seem to be fine."

"Good to hear."

"What can I get you, Doctor?"

"Painkillers, please. I have this enormous headache. It's a little less now, strangely enough. You must be my secret remedy," he replied, winking. I smiled. That's what I liked about Doctor Morton that made me feel so open with him. He never seemed judgemental or disapproving and he was always very casual, friendly and made jokes a lot, too. Around him I felt comfortable. It wasn't really that embarrassing when I told him I'd snuck into a club one night, got in a cage and danced as fiercely as I could, as I wanted. He seemed very receptive to my confession and even laughed about it with me.

I scanned it and he handed the money.

"I really hope you feel better, Doctor. Maybe a relaxing walk will help, too."

"Good idea, Sarazuka. Will you be joining me for this walk, too?"

"If you want."

"I very much enjoy talking to you, Sarazuka, and would be quite honoured if you'd allow me the pleasure."

"Sure thing, Doctor. I'm almost off anyway."

"Serenity! Get out of here, girl. You're shift is over. You deserve a rest," Andi said, appearing from the back room. I took off my apron and folded it, resting it on the counter. Andi slipped it beneath the counter for me and threw me a smile.

"Bye, Andi. Thank you," I called as Doctor and I walked out.

"Bye, hon. See you later."

"Interesting idiosyncrasies you all have, the three of you," Doctor commented once we were out of the street, just walking.

"What do you mean?"

"Your personality is very playful and wild yet you fold your apron carefully. Anasara probably wouldn't do that even though she's the carefully calculating one. I saw it once when she took off her jacket; she just threw it over the back of the chair. Serenity would probably have folded _and_ put the apron away herself, unlike both of you. It's so very fascinating."

"You sure do understand the three of us, don't you Doc?"

"I try. You're all so fascinating in your own ways. Knowing you all is my pleasure."

"Who's your favourite though?" I asked, trying to get under his skin. He laughed.

"Oh, my dear, you know I can't answer that."

"Sure you can. I won't tell."

"I wouldn't feel right. In any case, I don't have favourites."

"Don't lie."

"Behave yourself, Sarazuka. Anyway, how is the journaling going?"

"It's alright but every time I read anything Anasara writes, I get all depressed and stop reading half-way through so I never really know what's going on with her. Serenity on the other hand, she's really honest but she's...it's like she's afraid to feel her emotions in their entirety. I think she's afraid of the force of them because she's pretty weak. Everything she writes feels so subdued."

"Now, now, Sarazuka, no one personality is weaker than the other. Each one just has strengths in different areas. She can be still and tranquil, Anasara can be contemplative and logical and you can be uninhibited and carefree. We shouldn't really speak about them like this. It wouldn't be fair. I'd be giving you more therapeutic time than them."

"So?" He laughed.

"Come now, be fair."

"Oh, alright. Where are you heading, Doctor?"

"Well, I was heading home but for obvious reasons I shouldn't head there now. Will you walk me back to the office then? I have a few things to do."

"Oh, come on, Doctor. Are you that concerned about having me walk you home?"

"You know the policy, Sarazuka."

"Yes, Doctor."

"Is it really alright for you to be away from home like this? No one waiting at home?"

"No, dear. Just the dog." I laughed. Doctor was allergic to dogs. He didn't have one. We reached the office and I pouted once we stopped at the door.

"Aw, man," I complained.

"Don't worry. I'll see you soon enough, Sarazuka."

"I know. But if you ever need just to hang out with someone, feel free to pass by the minimart again."

"Point taken, Sarazuka. I'm going to tidy up a little and go home. You should head home, too. Goodnight, dear."

"Alright. Goodnight, Doctor." I watched him go in and close the door behind him and it really made me wonder where he lived. Then, the wildest thought entered my head.

He came out in about a half hour and I watched him from ample distance as he started to walk again. When I thought he'd gone far enough, I began to follow, sticking close to anything I could hide behind and feeling the adrenaline rush of it. If I was caught, the Doctor could call the police on me or have me assigned to another psychologist. But the dangerous feeling, like at any minute I could get caught, and how wonderful it would be if I didn't get caught made me think that following him would be worth it. It was so wild. Of course I'd be attracted to it.

We didn't do a lot of walking. Soon, he was in his house and he locked the door behind him. I memorised the address and walked away, smiling to myself. I was quite fascinated by the Doctor. If I ever really needed someone to talk to, I knew that Doctor Merton wouldn't turn me away, even if I came to his house. I whistled loudly as I walked in the middle of the road, doing pirouettes every so often.

Luckily for me, I found that Doctor Merton came by quite often for painkillers and other basic needs. I soon learnt that he was a great sufferer of headaches and he admitted on many occasions that being around me seemed to help with the pain. I felt very complimented by that and we often took walks together and just talked shop. It occurred to me that I was getting unhealthily attached to Doctor Merton but a little danger was good for one's life. Following the rules was overrated anyway.

His visits became regular and I was so pleased about that. But then, one night after I walked him to the office and was heading back, a tall, troublesome looking guy approached me. His aura was ominous and I could tell that there was just a bad feeling coming from him.

"Baby, you looking for a ride home?" he said, voice deep and thick and disgusting. It wasn't the seductive type of deep, it was the scum type.

"No, thank you. Goodnight." I tried to step around him and walk away very quickly but just as I'd gotten behind him. He grabbed my arm and turned around.

"Baby, I don't think you get it. I was gracious enough to offer so you're getting a ride home, alright?" It was obvious what he was really talking about—there wasn't a car in sight. I got scared. A little danger was one thing, but this was too much. I just stood there for a few seconds, looking at him and calculating a bit all at one. The suddenly I struck out at his stomach and without a milliseconds lapse, turned on my heel and ran as fast as I could.

My mind was thinking about whether it would be a good idea to go home or if I should have attempted to run to somewhere else. It occurred to me that Doctor Merton's office was closest and I made a split decision to go there. Maybe if the guy saw that I had a guy with me he'd back off. Even if I could just run fast enough to get away from him so he couldn't find me, that would have been fine. Soon enough I got there and I hammered desperately at the door, waiting for him to answer, praying and praying hard that I would be saved and saved soon.

A few seconds later the door opened and I pushed past Doctor Merton with all my strength. Just as I had turned to have him shut the door, I noticed my assailant pulling up the rear.

"Lock the door!" I barked. He obeyed quickly, a questioning look on his face. I ran up the stairs to his office where myself and my other two personalities would sit and be examined and soon after Doctor Merton came behind me.

"Sarazuka, what's the matter?"

"A guy was chasing me and I didn't know where else to go." My voice was flustered and I couldn't stop pacing nervously.

"What did you do? Did you provoke him or anything?"

"No, I didn't provoke him! He just tried to attack me and he was going to rape me and I just hit him and started running as fast as I could. Please don't let him get me, Doctor Merton, please."

"I won't let him get you. Stay here as long as you like." He put a hand on my arm and it managed to reassure me enough to stop my pacing. I took a seat, took a few breaths and after a few moments, I was calm again.

"Thank you, Doctor."

"Just as long as you're safe. Let me go down and check if he's gone."

"NO! Stay here, please! I can't let you get hurt!"

"Alright, dear. There's a back way. We can sneak out quietly and then I'll walk you home."

We ventured carefully out the back entrance and walked carefully. But the bad feeling returned and I became afraid again.

"Doctor, I know I'm asking a lot, but I'm afraid to go home and be alone—"

"Of course you can stay with me for the night, Sarazuka. We can't let anything happen to you, especially since what affects you affects the others, too."

"Really? I'd be so grateful."

"Come on in," he remarked as we reached his door just then. He locked it behind us and then he turned and led me to sit on his plush brown sofa. He wrapped the blanket draped on the back of the couch around me and his arms came around me, to help me get warm and calm again.

"Thank you so much, Doctor Merton. I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you."

"Once you're safe, once you're all safe, I'm fine."

It occurred to me that once again, he was talking about the three of us, like his concern and his company wasn't so much for me. I felt hurt.

"You only care about the three of us together, don't you? One of us isn't any more special that the other, are we?" A confused expression crossed his face.

"What do you mean?"

"All this time, I kind of thought we were bonding and I thought that the fact that I was in danger really was horrible to you. I see that I was wrong now. I'm no more special than the others. Our phenomenon was the only thing that interested you. How could I have been so stupid to fall in love with you?" My tears formed in my eyes and fell as quickly as they came. I felt stupid for feeling that way and felt doubly stupid for having admitted it out loud. I sobbed and felt Doctor Merton's arms tighten around me. I was confused and I looked up at him.

His lips came down on mine unexpectedly and my lips allowed his access out of sheer surprise and my messy emotional state. As an anime character had once said, "It's easy to kiss a crying girl". The kiss was intoxicating to my body that wanted him so much and it made me feel to cry with joy. But I was confused. Content to feel it just for the moment, I let him kiss me.

"Thank goodness," he said once he drew back, holding me to him. "Thank goodness you feel the same way."

"Doctor?" I asked, confused as hell.

"I love you, Sarazuka. Spending time with you had made me realise that you're the wonderful girl I've always been hoping for."

"You...love me?"

"I do, I really do."

He brought his lips back down to mine and I was full of joy that my previous worries escaped completely from my mind. There was only me and him at the moment. Me and him and our mutual emotions and this embrace of arms and lips. My arms wound themselves around his neck and his hands were sliding up and down my back in a soothing, seductive way. Abruptly, he pulled back and I could see the passion dancing in his dark brown eyes. He looked more beautiful than ever with his dark brown hair, his fair skin, his angular face and his almond-shaped eyes. He took my hands in his and looked at me.

"Sarazuka," he said.

"Take me. I'm yours." He smiled and after one more kiss, we stood and he took me by the hand and led me to his bedroom upstairs.

Perhaps it should have bothered me that I was about to give my body to a man sixteen years my senior, but I was in love with him and that negated anything else that could possibly make me think anything but enthusiastic thoughts. He took off his glasses and then took me into his arms once again and let his lips crash down upon mine. He was pushing me back until we contacted with the bed and it took my feet from under me so that I fell on the blanketed softness. He wound his feet with mine and shifted so that we were in the centre of the bed, continuing to kiss my lips for a long moment but then he broke the kiss and began to unbutton my shirt and open it so that he could see my chest.

His lips skimmed over my breasts briefly and then whispered lightly over my stomach, making his way down.

"I'll make you forget everything that scared you tonight," he said softly. He unbuttoned my jeans and unzipped them, kissing the little triangle of skin newly exposed and fuelling the passionate flames I felt for him. He removed my pants from my legs and then got rid of his own sleeveless sweater, belt and shirt. His hands roamed over my legs and I felt my stomach clench. He came back to kiss my lips, his tongue flickering over my lower lip ever so often. His hands were working to get behind me to the clasp of my bra and after a few tries, it came free and he freed me from its cover and its sight. Just as soon as the barrier was gone, his lips came to cover one peak and a moan escaped my lips, rocking me with sweet, sensational pleasure.

"My beautiful Sarazuka," he whispered as he switched his mouth to the other. My hands were around his biceps and I was clutching him tightly, feeling like if I was to let go, I would fall and drown in the pure, pleasurable river and lose myself.

After he had deemed himself done with my chest, his lips ventured to my neck while he pressed his hips to mine, revealing to me that he was just about as ready as I was for him. I gasped with the sensation and my head turned to the other side as a reflex, away from the immaculate creature on top of me, sweetly torturing my body. I forced my head to flick back and I drank in the sight of his body covering mine, all the hard, smooth, chiselled lines that made him up.

"Doctor," I gasped.

"Right now I don't want to be your doctor. Call me as you would your lover. Call me Aran." He stopped to look me in the eye and I smiled at him and tried out the sound of his name on my lips. He seemed to like it and kissed my lips in response. His hips contacted with mine again and it occurred to me that we weren't yet naked. As if reading my mind, he bent down and removed his and mine and allowed our bare skin to touch as he covered me again. He went back for my lips and feeling every spot where our bodies were up against each other, touching sweetly, seductively, heated and getting moist, it drove me crazy. Just as soon as he released my lips, I said, "Aran, take me now. Please. I can't wait."

His arms came around me again and held me tightly for a moment, kissing my lips again but then I felt him at my entrance, slowing slipping in. It hurt. My body was trying to stretch to accommodate him, but I realised that the pain was bearable and I had thought that it would have hurt more, especially when he broke me. Soon, he was within me as much as he could go and I cried out, in pain and pleasure swirling so entirely that I couldn't see the line anymore between them. I opened my eyes that had shut all by themselves and he was looking at me with a concerned look on his face, probably realising that I was in pain.

"It won't hurt much longer," he promised. His hands drifted down my arms and he wove his fingers with mine as he withdrew again for quick re-entry. The pain was becoming evidently less and the pleasure was beginning to take the reins, forcing another cry from me as he filled me completely. His rhythm was slow and sweet, my body getting the entirety of the sensation of him being in me, feeling him at every point, feeling exposed and not afraid and absorbing the heady sensation.

Eventually his name became my chant and his response was mine in return, the sounds of our names blending together in the air as the sensation of pain dissipated and purest pleasure taking its place. We reached the height, feeling him more than ever, yet wanting him still more than ever while being drowned wonderfully by the pure ecstasy washed over me again and again. When finally he withdrew, he remained where he was atop me, hands still intertwined and I was happy. Purely and utterly happy.

After we caught our breaths, he looked at me with a look of pure and utter appreciation and care and I smiled back at him. He unlaced his fingers from mine and placed himself to the side of me, his hand drifting to me hip and resting.

"And how does that make you feel?" he asked, chuckling. I came closer and snuggled to his chest, closing my eyes and tired from the excitement of the evening.

"Very, very good, Doctor Aran. Very, very good."

"I'm glad."

"And you? How does that make you feel?"

"Undeniably euphoric."

"I'm glad."

"This might complicate things as your psychologist, though."

"I don't care. We'll think about that later. Right now, let's just rest." He kissed my forehead.

"Yes, let's just rest."


	4. Chapter 4

Serenity

The gaps were sometimes as long as whole days and I had to depend on my journal to fill them. I couldn't control what went on while Sarazuka and Anasara were out but for the very least, knowing what they were doing helped me to do a bit of damage control. On one occasion, I had discovered that Sarazuka had gone to a club and gotten into the cage. I nearly burst into tears, embarrassed because that wasn't my personality at all. I thought my name would be tarnished forever. Luckily, it had been really dark and she hadn't been interacting with other people. She had just gone out, solo, just deciding for herself that she needed to have a night to herself with no conservative Serenity inhibiting her behaviour. I doubt anyone would have recognised me either; she'd put on a lot of makeup and was wearing the shortest dress I owned without the leggings that I usually wore with them.

I usually made it a point to read it every day. I couldn't stand the thought that perhaps I could have done something extremely shocking and I didn't know about it. Every day, I lived with the fear that one of my personalities would go too far and that the people I knew and loved would alienate me because of it. I kept my condition a secret—I'm ashamed to say that I was ashamed of it. Joey and mom didn't know about it, or Tea, or Yugi or Tristan. I tried to keep my distance from Duke especially. Duke had been seriously interested in me since the day we met. Tristan had been, too, originally, but after some time, he lost his romantic feelings and it became strictly friendly. Duke didn't.

He had been busy these days dealing with his own dice game but he still emailed and texted me occasionally to ask me how I was. I developed feelings for him some time whilst we were travelling together and any further interaction we had only served to exacerbate it. He was sweet and kind and willing to just be friends with me as long as I didn't like him that way, an absolutely considerate guy. He was just about my idea of perfect. But I was a screwed up and scarred person and I couldn't mess him up with my own brokenness. He deserved better. I couldn't let him get too close for fear of changing him negatively. I was in love and I knew being away from him was better for him, even if it was hurting me.

I appreciated having my job at the minimart because it was quiet and convenient and didn't get in the way of my studies. It helped me live, since I was now living on my own and my co-workers and employer were all very nice people. Not a lot of people came in unless there was some dire emergency or it was very, very late Friday night, but in any case, I got off at ten and didn't see most of those people. Andi was the one who took the graveyard shift and I admired her greatly for it.

I was just staring at the door from over the counter when the last person in the world I thought I'd see there strolled in, a girl at his side. I hadn't even known that he was in the country. Seeing him with that girl stabbed me straight in my naive little heart. Of course if I had rejected his advances so many times he would find a girl who would fulfil his needs. He got a pack of gummy bears—that was his favourite snack—and two bottles of pear-flavoured soft drink. When he approached the counter and saw me there, I saw him do a double take and that kind of made me want to laugh inside.

"Serenity?" he asked.

"That's my name," I replied, trying to appear nonchalant.

"Oh, my gosh! How are you?" he asked, coming to hug me from over the counter.

"I'm...pretty good. And yourself?"

"The same, I guess. You work here?"

"Yep. While I don't have things to do, I'm here till ten."

"Are you? I'm just amazed to see you. It's been a while."

"Yeah, it has. You've been busy with your promotions and so forth abroad, right?"

"Yeah. It's been amazing being away. I brought back a few things that really entranced me though." My eyes immediately shifted to the beautiful girl just behind him and he seemed to notice my long stare at her. "Oh, Serenity, this is Varesa. She's an enthusiast who I just saw in my head portraying one of the duel monsters. She's agreed to help me and we've been discussing it."

Any normal girl would have thought that that was an unlikely story and a worse lie but I knew Duke enough to safely say that he wouldn't lie to me. If he'd moved on and found another girl—or is he _hadn't_ moved on but found another girl—he would have told me. There wasn't much need for us to keep secrets from each other, especially as friends. Except if you were a nineteen-year-old schizophrenic...

I gave the girl a smile and then shifted my focus back to Duke.

"You get off at ten, huh?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Well, it's almost that time. Do you want me to wait for you? We can chat a little and I can give you a lift home."

"That's sweet but I'm sure you have things to do."

"Not really. We were just about done. It's no problem at all. It'll give us a chance to catch up. Oh, come on, Serenity."

"Oh, alright. How's she getting home?"

"Oh, my ride's here. Bye, Duke. Thanks for the opportunity," the girl said, heading out the door and into an idling car.

"Well, I guess I got my answer," I replied. He laughed and handed me his money and we completed the transaction quickly.

"Well, I'll wait for you in the parking lot, so you don't get in trouble. See you in a few." I nodded and he exited.

Lucky for me those ten minutes flew like the speed of light. Andi shouted at me from the isle that my shift was over and I folded my apron and put it away, and as soon as I walked out the door, I saw him.

"Hi," I said, probably blushing.

"Hi," he replied, smiling back. "You ready to go?"

"Yeah. Do you even know where I live though?"

"No clue, but you should, right?" I let out a laugh and nodded. "Great, so we're not screwed. Come on. We can talk while in the car." He was driving this cute red convertible and it made me curious as to what the ride was like. Partly out of curiosity and partly because I knew I was dying to talk to him after so long, I got into the car and we were off quickly. His stereo was really loud and after almost jumping out through the window when the bass line hit me as soon as the car came to life, he turned it down until it was just background noise.

"Sorry," he said, smiling sheepishly.

"It's alright. You'll get deaf like that, you know," I said, smiling back.

"I know. But you know me, I'm a flashy kind of guy."

"I know. I missed you, Duke."

"I missed you, too, Seren. You're studying, right?"

"During the day. I'm thinking about going into optometry." He smiled, immediately remembering where I was coming from.

"I think you'd do great in that field. Especially because of your experience. You'd appreciate sight better than most."

"I'd like to think I do. But anyway, how're the promotions going?"

"It's going great. Oh, Seren, you should see how enthusiastic the foreigners are about it! Otakus are everywhere, more than I'd ever expected. It's spectacular."

We talked a lot about his time all over the world and I took pleasure in seeing how excited he was and how gratifying he found the acceptance of his product among people outside of our culture. As I talked there with him, saw him talk and laugh with such energy after so long, I felt all the feelings rush back to me in a tidal wave that almost made not being his seem painful. Part of me was dying to ask him if his feelings were still the same—the other part was deathly afraid of the answer, even if it were positive.

He wasn't driving too quickly but my house wasn't really far away from where I worked so we got there quickly. But I wasn't ready to let him leave my company yet. It was a bad indicator of how much I really was in love with Duke. Against my better judgement, I made a decision and agreed to accept what happened.

"Duke, do you want to come inside for some tea or coffee? It's been such a long time—" I started. His phone rang, cutting me off and his face became contrite and he held up a finger to me to tell me to hold my thoughts. The call was short but his voice was tight and serious.

"Ah, I'm sorry, Seren. I'd love to come in for some coffee but someone from the office just called. I have to go take a look at something. Maybe I'll catch you around?" I managed to fake a smile.

"Of course. It's okay. See you around."

"Yeah, see ya, Seren." And without much ado, he drove off. In the end, I thought that maybe it was for the best. When I got inside, I noticed the journal that Anasara, Sarazuka and I wrote in on the coffee table. Had he seen it, it may have gotten curious and that would have meant the end of our friendship or any kind of relationship. He'd undoubtedly tell the others and he'd find me odd and never speak to me again.

My heart leapt with joy when he walked in five minutes before my shift was over the next day and came straight to the counter.

"Duke! What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Well, I said I'd see you around, didn't I?" he responded, resting his elbows on the counter like mine were. This brought his face centimetres from mine and I drew back. He couldn't be that close. It was dangerous. He stood straight as well, not seeming to be insulted by my withdrawal. "Let's go for a walk after you're done. You've got three more minutes, right?"

"Um, did you manage to deal with that thing from yesterday?"

"Yeah. It wasn't really that big a deal. So, will you come walking with me?" I wanted to say yes, but knew that I should say no.

"Sure, sounds great." Walking would be safe. Duke was still that great guy who wouldn't try anything immoral and there was little risk that our walk would be interrupted by the other two personalities. If they did, I had already with the help of Doctor Morton informed them that they should tell the person that they (I, in their case) were feeling sick and needed to go home immediately.

For a few minutes, we walked in silence and I wondered what it was that he was thinking so hard about. His face was serious and contemplative like I had come to know after having travelled with him for a long time. If something was bothering him, I needed to know. Even if I wasn't allowed to love him, I wanted to help him.

"Duke, what's wrong—" He stopped walking and faced me and I stopped to look at him.

"You know me well enough to know when something is bothering me, don't you, Serenity?"

"I guess."

"See, Serenity, you know everything about me and I know I mean a lot to you. Can't you give us a chance based on just that? I've been trying to be considerate all this time, but seeing you again after so long, it's made me realise that I can't go on missing you like this. I can't stand to think some other guy could be with you. Don't you see how perfect we'd be for each other? We have all that history and—"

At that point, I turned away from him because tears were about to start pooling in my eyes. Here, he was, spilling his heart to me and begging me to give him a chance and here I was, torn and broken between what I wanted and what I knew I had to do. I couldn't let him find out about me. No way. That would alienate him from me entirely. It's not that I didn't trust his feelings to be beyond that, but I knew it would tear him apart sooner or later to know that his girlfriend was only sometimes there, that sometimes it was Anasara or Sarazuka and not Serenity in that body. It hurt _me_ to think about it. It would kill _him_.

"What's wrong? There's someone else, isn't there? If you love someone else then just tell me. But if you do, I can't say I'll be able to stay. It hurts too much, Serenity. It hurts too much. I love you far too much to just be your friend. I need to give you my love and I need to give you all of it, not just some like this. So, please tell me. Tell me either to back off forever or tell me that you'll be willing to give me a chance."

As he spoke, the tears came free and began to flow like tributaries from my eyes. I couldn't lie to him. I couldn't hurt him. I couldn't hurt myself and send him away, even though I knew it would be for the best. I was too selfish.

"That's not it, Duke. You don't understand," I said softly as I wiped my eyes. He put his hands on my elbows and looked me in the eyes.

"Then help me to understand, Serenity. Tell me what it's like."

"I love you, Duke. But I can't be with you. There's something wrong with me, something you shouldn't have to—" His lips crashed down on mine before I could even finish my sentence and, wanting nothing else, I gave back the passion he was giving. He wasn't exercising any restraint with his kiss, he was giving me the force of his feelings in their sheer and raw nature and I wanted it. I wanted him. I loved him. I was damned. And so was he. Damned to love a crazy schizophrenic who wanted him, too.

When finally his lips were freed from mine and my eyes flew open, his own orbs were staring intently at mine, that volatile passion within them.

"I don't care what you think is wrong with you, Serenity. I love you, all of you, and I'm willing to deal with anything you can throw at me once I can call you mine."

"Duke."

"I'm serious. If you love me then why should you be forced to leave me behind? My love for you isn't fickle, Serenity. It's one of the few constants in my life. I'm ready to deal with anything that can come out of our relationship. Will you be my girlfriend?" Duke was telling me that he loved me and that he'd accept me no matter what. But could I accept? He really didn't know what it was that he was going to encounter. One day, he would kiss me and either Anasara would shove him away and reject him or Sarazuka would try something I usually wouldn't and take things far enough for him to reject me. Could I risk that?

I knew that it was my fate to live with them, but why should I make it his? He was already so busy and he deserved better. He deserved the normal, gorgeous otaku girl who walked into the minimart with him yesterday. But I couldn't let her have him. Did I have to sacrifice everything I loved and wanted just to make sure that they didn't ruin my life? Granted, they could ruin the lives of those that I loved, but if I warned them, if they knew, couldn't they learn to deal with and avoid it? That is, if they still accepted me after learning the truth. It took everything I had but I made the decision, the one that deep in my heart I knew was right and agreed to accept the consequences.

"Duke, take me home."

"Serenity—"

"Come home with me, I mean."

His eyes glimmered at the idea but his mind was processing it.

"Are—Are you sure?"

"If it's you, then I'm more than sure. I can't stand to think that," I was about to say 'Anasara and Sarazuka could get in the way and mess with us' but then rethought it, "my issue will get between us and I can't give you what you want from me."

"Serenity, we don't have to rush this. I can wait as long as you can."

"I don't want to wait, Duke. I already love you. It's okay if it's now." I saw him think. I saw the thoughts moving through his head. I saw him justifying it to himself. I saw him wanting me to have my way over his. I saw that he wanted me, too. And then, I saw him accept it.

"And you're absolutely sure?"

"Yes."

For the entire short car ride, we were silent. He was probably thinking that he wasn't sure that this would be alright. I was thinking that maybe after this, he could get me out of his system and move on. If he did, after that, after we shared a night together, I would probably be able to let him go. For the very least, I'd have a memory to hold on to. I would be able to say that for one night, Duke held me and I was his lover and we were in love. He parked in front of the door and I saw him hesitate.

"Duke, if you can't do it—"

"It's not that I don't want to, I really do, I want to give you all my love and so much more, but think about it, Serenity. You're taking me to bed. Will you be able to live with that if you decide that you don't want me in the future?"

"I won't have to, Duke. I'll always want you. I've always loved you, all this time. If it's not you, if I don't let you have me now, this decision would have been made for nothing. I have to give you everything, too, because I love you." His hand came to the side of my face and he kissed me, this one tender and sweet. He broke free and his eyes were dancing.

"Inside," he said.

My front door of my apartment closed behind us and he peeled my jacket off and took his with it, dropping it on the floor. His mouth found mine again and my hands were holding his face like his were holding my own. His hands left my face not long after and went for my shirt and he broke the kiss to get rid of it. His hands wondered lower to bring my legs around his waist and I put my arms around his neck. It occurred to me that he had done this before.

"Duke, am I..."

"You're my first, Serenity. I couldn't even think about myself with someone else."

"I...Same here," I admitted. His lips came onto mine again and he headed through the doorway nearby which lead into the living room.

"Where am I going?" he asked.

"Right." He continued the kiss and I felt one on his hands leave my legs to open the door. His hand returned and the door closed behind us, probably his foot closed it. A few more steps and I guessed he was at the foot of the bed.

"Let go," he said. I let go, trusting him not to let me get hurt and I fell shortly to the bed. My bed had no footboard so my legs ended up over the bed and he was bending over me, hands braced on either side of them. His shirt came off quickly and he went for his pants as well, but he stripped himself completely and stood before me completely unclothed. I could feel my face staining with blush. His body was beautiful but it was the first time that I'd ever seen a man completely naked before. His quick fingers were at the button of my jeans and removing them not long after and in seconds, the entire lower half of my body was uncovered before him. I felt so extremely embarrassed. I wanted so much to do this, but his staring made me feel so shy.

He chuckled.

"You're blushing so much. It's cute."

"I—I'm just embarrassed that you're staring so much," I confessed softly. He closed the space between us and bent over me, his hands searching behind me for the one thing left between us. Slowly, he worked it until it came free and threw it to the floor.

"But, you're so amazing," he replied, softly. His lips came to cover mine and his body was hard and heavy on mine, every line pressed hard against me. I could feel him and my body was liking it. It felt so amazing. His mouth moved to my neck and as his lips got their way there, I put my arms around his back, keeping him to me and keeping that sweet, seductive sensation of him tasting my skin. I knew I was rushing things, I knew it really wasn't like me, but I needed him to know I was telling the truth.

His fingers began brushing my stomach, moving to my chest, slowly feeling each peak and curve, rise and fall, like a blind man trying to find the picture of what it was before him. A sigh released from me and I thought that I'd never feel anything so wonderful in my life. I could feel the pressure of his hips intensifying above me and I wasn't interested in making him wait anymore. If he wanted me now, he would have me and I would be satisfied to have known his touch.

"Duke. Just take me now," I managed out. My breathing was sharpening. He didn't protest, didn't ask. He just stopped what he was doing and moved my legs apart with his hands.

Mai had told me once that the first time would hurt, that when whoever it was ripped my barrier, I would probably cry. I didn't want to think about how much it would hurt. He didn't need to know what I was feeling either. I would bear it, knowing that I had given him something almost as precious as my own life.

I felt him touch my waiting body right where he was to enter and just the sensation of the touch had me whimpering softly. His hands found mine and he intertwined his fingers with mine and gave my hand a squeeze. Slowly, he made his way in and my body was tight around his in an intoxicating way that made me give a soft cry. I was bracing myself for the pain, but all I could feel was him deep inside of me in a way that made pleasure look like the ultimate treasure. He went as deep as my body would let him but still there was no pain. Something was wrong.

"Duke, stop," I said, fighting hard against that wave of pure pleasing paradise.

"Is it terrible?"

"No."

"Then why should I stop?" He began to retreat and my body arched tightly against his, sound leaving my lips and body in the thrones of ecstasy.

"Don't." My body wanted it more than I wanted answers and I could certainly get those later. I wouldn't ruin this moment, possibly the only moment we would have together like this once I told him everything later. "Come to me." His rhythm was quick and his own groans could be heard in my ear. Every nerve, every cell was sent into overdrive, was immersed in a pool of pure wonder that I lost all my thought and all there was was the sensation of him taking me, mind, body and soul. Whatever had happened before, it couldn't have been as amazing as this.

Finally, we reached the liquid love extremes and the climax was deep in my bloodstream, going to every cell like a most potent and exquisite drug. His fingers squeezed mine and my arched body was in total nirvana, collided and conjoined with his in the most sensual way possible. The moment was long, thick and majestic and then slowly, he withdrew from me, ripping one last soft cry from my lips. He lay there with me after, panting, the hard lines of his body against mine and his breaths harmonising with mine. His hands came free of mine and came to wrap around me, hugging me tightly to himself. Then he rolled off me and moved up on the bed.

"Come join me," he said softly. I worked up enough energy to come beside him and his arm was around me once more, holding me to him as he was on his side. It could have been five or even ten minutes when we just stayed like that in silence.

"Serenity," he said tenderly. I looked up into his eyes and they were warm and affectionate. I lost myself in his gaze for a moment and then I closed my eyes for a brief second, knowing I had better tell him now rather than lose my resolve. I didn't want to break this fairy tale but I had no other choice. I would rather die than hurt Duke and lose him. It was a contradiction of the cruelest kind; either way he'd get hurt sometime.

"Duke, about my issue, I—"

A knock sounded at my door, causing me to break off. Just who could it be at this hour? It was nearly half eleven. I jumped off the bed and threw on a short robe and my underwear that was discarded on the floor and quickly headed to the door. Our clothes were strewn about and I picked them up as I went and threw them on the couch as I went. I nearly died when I saw just who was at the door. There was a half-smile on his face, not like the usual evil half-smile he wore, but a more genuine one, like it was nice to see me.

"Kaiba? What are you doing here?" I asked, confused.


	5. Chapter 5

What the heck was my brother's archenemy doing at my door so late in the night? And why was he being so familiar with me? He seemed like he seriously hated all of us from our little group. I hadn't known him well but he didn't seem very friendly to me and since my brother didn't like him very much, I tried not to get involved with him too much. I would have loved to be friends with him, only Kaiba seemed like the kind of guy who didn't care much for having friends.

"I thought we could go out for a little stroll tonight. I knew I said I'd call yesterday but things got kind of crazy and I didn't want you to think I'd abandoned you," he replied.

"Um, I'm not dressed," I replied, puzzled beyond belief. Why on Earth would Kaiba want to take a stroll with me? For a brief second I noticed his eyes on my legs and the look of appreciation there before his eyes returned to mine.

"Can I come inside, then?" I stepped aside purely out of courtesy. My mother had always taught me not to leave people at my door, even if I didn't want to speak with them. I closed the door behind him and he turned and stood there in the tiny foyer.

"Um, how do you know where I live?"

"Well, I did a tiny bit of investigating. You never really formally gave me your address so I figured since you'd already seen where I lived and what was going on, I should know where you lived." He stroked his thumb over my cheek but before I could lean out of his hand, he dropped it.

Nothing he was saying was making any sense and for a moment, I wondered if I was having one of those crazy dreams that weren't supposed to be making any sense at all.

"Serenity, who was it?" Duke asked, walking in, wearing just his pants. My face coloured immediately and I noticed the betrayed look flash onto Kaiba's face, though I couldn't ascertain why. "What the hell is he doing here?"

"I'd like to ask the same question," Kaiba replied, voice and eyes utterly cold. My head was starting to spin. The phone rang. "Let it ring. I deserve an explanation and they can leave a message." I was frozen in place, confused as to what right Kaiba had to be here and to be angry. The phone rang again. "I'm waiting."

"She doesn't have to answer you," Duke shouted at him.

"And she has to answer you?" The phone rang for the final time and the voicemail message played. 'You've reached Serenity Wheeler. Please leave a message after the tone'. _Beep_.

"Sarazuka, it's Doctor Aran. I wanted to know if I could come over for a bit. We didn't really do a lot of talking in bed last night about what we would do next so I thought we could try to sort that out ASAP. Please call me as soon as you get this message, and I hope you documented so that Serenity and Anasara know. This will come as quite a shock if you don't. I love you. See you later."

My knees contacted with the floor as I sank down. I couldn't look at either of their faces or at my own self. I just looked at the floor through my now tear-filled eyes. I knew what was going on now. That was what I got for having neglected to read my journal for the week. I shouldn't have gotten so caught up in my own life. I knew I hadn't been in control Sunday or Monday. I knew it was dangerous. But still I was stupid.

"Serenity, what on Earth is going on? Who's Sarazuka and Anasara and why do they need to know about you and some Doctor Aran? Have you been sleeping with him?" Duke asked.

"Anasara? You told me that was a name closer to you than Serenity when you were screwing me. Was that some kind of ridiculous joke? Do you use different names with all your bed partners?" Kaiba said, voice chastising and frozen.

"No freaking way. She's been fucking all three of us?" Duke asked.

"Seems so. I knew something was up with you having changed so much. I was such a fool. You thought it would be a fun game to give me your virginity and then just screw the rest of people in town after you told me you loved me?"

"She told you she loved you?" Duke shouted. "Wait, virginity? _You_ broke her?"

"She told you the same thing, didn't she? Wow. What a whore. I can't believe I was tricked by you. Seems that looks can certainly be deceiving."

My mind didn't want to process what they were saying but it did. Each of the bits and pieces were fitting together, without me having read my journal. It seemed that Anasara and Sarazuka had been neglecting to write everything honestly in the journal. And I, who had been sleepy so many nights hadn't been paying closer attention, even though I of all people knew that they could play games when they were ready. They had taken it too far this time, playing with my heart, the hearts of three men and my body. My lips couldn't protest.

A knock sounded at the door and, for the sake of fanciful thinking, I wished it was Death himself come to claim me. How could I live knowing what I had done, what they had done as me?

"Serenity, Sarazuka, Anasara, it's Doctor Aran Morton. I'm coming in, alright?" The door opened and we all looked to see Doctor Morton come through the door. It took him all of two seconds to look around and assess the scene. "Serenity?"

The tears began pouring out of my eyes and I wished that death would come to claim me. I didn't care how; I had already shamelessly allowed three men to claim me one after the other, one way or another.

"So, you're the second man she's been with, huh?" Kaiba said, dully.

"What's going on here?" Doctor Morton asked.

"It seems the person we thought was Serenity has been telling us all that she loves us and then getting us to nail her."

"Wait a minute. You're Seto Kaiba. And that's Duke Devlin. And, I've not been with Serenity, I've been with Sarazuka."

"What does she have to do with us?" Doctor Morton looked back at me and the tears never stopped falling from my eyes. Who I was, who I hoped to be, who I had been was all ruined thanks to those three people I was. I should have killed myself when I had the chance, when no one knew and when no one was hurt.

"Serenity, you never told them, did you?" Doctor Morton asked. I had to get out of their sights. I had to get to that journal. I had to get to the bottom of this and hope that those two disgusting other selves of mine had told the entire truth. I forced myself to my feet and ran into my bedroom, locking the door behind me.

"Serenity," the three voices called behind me.

"Just leave me alone. I need to know the truth," I shouted through the door, going for the journal.

"Serenity, I'll explain to these two boys," Doctor Morton said.

"You know what's going on?" Kaiba asked.

"I'm afraid I'm the only other person besides Serenity that knows the truth. See, I'm here psychiatrist."

"And you've been screwing her? That's not very professional, Doc," Kaiba retorted.

"Say what you want. You don't seem to understand it yet."

"Then spill. You can't freaking leave us hanging when we all find out we've been having sex with the same girl. She just put on an expression like she doesn't know," Duke interjected.

Meanwhile they were arguing, I flipped through the pages with Sarazuka and Anasara's writings, trying to look at them through the filter of what I knew now.

Mon Oct 11 - Anasara

I had an unexpected customer today. We had a stroll and despite his usually bitchy attitude, he's probably just misunderstood, I realise. We had a walk and we talked about a few things and for some reason, I felt like I actually wanted to see him again. I wonder if he'll come by the minimart again.

Tues Oct 12 - Sarazuka

Doctor Morton came in for painkillers today and he joked about me being his secret cure. I must say I kind of liked that but Doctor Morton is such a flirt sometimes I can't be sure if he's serious. We had a bit of a walk and I did something rather fun but then I walked him to the office because I was so bored and there was about nothing else to do. I wonder if...

"She _didn't_ know, it seems. Sarazuka and Anasara are alternate personalities of Serenity. She's been schizophrenic for ten months now," Doctor Morton said.

"You're kidding," Kaiba said.

"Oh, shit. You mean—" Duke exclaimed.

"Each personality must have singled us out. Serenity must not have been paying close attention to her journal. Tell me, exactly what happened. I'll start with you, Kaiba." As I read, my mind processed what I already knew, what I had brushed off and ignored stupidly. And as I read, I heard Doctor Morton explaining what I had tried so hard to keep hidden. If only I had prevented the problem. If only...

Fri Oct 15 - Anasara

He came in again today and I was pretty pleased. He's not all that bad as people think. We talked quite a lot since he came after work and I found out some rather interesting things about him. Serenity shouldn't mind me having a conversation with him, it's not like he knows it's not her anyway. But still, I feel just a tad bit guilty for deceiving him. He might be an amazing tin man but I don't think that heart of ice could handle the truth. I really shouldn't make this more than this, though it's nice to have a friend.

Sat Oct 16 - Sarazuka

So, I saw the Doctor again today. We had a casual conversation. Teasing him is so fun. He teases me right back and he knows everything I'm thinking because he's my psychologist. He's really interesting.

Mon Oct 18 - Anasara

Talking to people you can relate to is always nice. If only I could do it more often...

Wed Oct 2o - Sarazuka

I find it so odd how people get headaches so much. I've never really had one so I don't know what it's like. Maybe it's their jobs. How strange. Or maybe the headaches are the excuse to come into the minimart. I suppose I'll never know that either.

I had passed them off as cryptic little messages that I couldn't understand and to some extent I was right. Only now that I knew what I knew did any of it really make any sense. They had each been seeing Kaiba and Dr. Morton frequently, developing close relationships. Closer than was comfortable. Closer than I liked.

Fri Oct 22 – Anasara

I can give a guess as to why I've been making more regular appearances these past few weeks. It's like I want to be here.

Like there's nothing wrong with being here. Like I'm a real person.

Maybe I wish I had a body of my own.

Tues Oct 26 – Sarazuka

We've been with Doctor Morton a long time now. He seems to care a lot about us. He's a really good doctor. But he needs some more free time. Perhaps with someone.

Wed Oct 27 – Sarazuka

I really don't hate the minimart anymore.

Fri Oct 29 – Anasara

Sorry, Serenity. I have somewhere to go on Sunday so you definitely won't be in control. Neither will you, Sarazuka. Just so you know.

Sun Oct 30 – Anasara

So this is what love feels like. I can't believe I gave into something so illogical, so sudden, so...irresponsible...so delicious. I was hanging out with Kaiba today and he took me home. I never knew skin could feel so good, that pain could feel that good. Call me irresponsible for using a body that's not just mine any way I wanted but I have a right to live just as much as the other two do. I have a right to know what sex with someone you love feels like. Never mind I deprive Serenity and Sarazuka of knowing what it feels like to give up your virginity to someone. I can tell them all about it. I have no regrets. At least I'm sparing them the pain for when they want to get into someone's bed.

Something exploded inside of me and the tears came before I could do anything to stop them. Anasara had wilfully destroyed me, knowing full well that I didn't want to do anything of the sort. Her notes were cryptic and almost secretive. How in hell was I supposed to realise what was going on? Doctor Morton hadn't known anything about her relationship with Kaiba either. That malicious bitch had whored me out.

Mon Nov 1 – Sarazuka

There is no point to lying. Serenity is going to want to know. I was nearly attacked by some idiot today and Doctor Morton rescued me. He allowed me to stay at his house and after a bit of confusion, he told me that he loved me. When I saw that look in his eye, that sheer desire, I knew I had to let him take me. I always thought it would hurt more. Either my other two thirds had done something very reckless and not said a thing, or I'm just a natural at this...My glance at the preceding page tells me that it is the former. And if Anasara is taking the love that she wants, so am I. Aran's hands all over me made me melt. It was the best feeling in the world.

I dropped the book on the bed and turned to the door, slamming my fist against it as I cried, in turmoil, in pain, hating who I became every time Serenity blacked out. How could they do this to me? They knew it would kill me. Why did they do it? It was simple. They had said it themselves. They thought they deserved lives of their own.

"But you don't have your own lives!" I shouted at nothing.

I looked in the mirror, seeing the two sides of my face as halves of the faces of those damn parasites that were eating my life.

"I hate you. Both of you. You ruined my life." The last thing I thought I saw was them just smiling malevolently at me right before I blacked out.

Anasara

I stepped out of the room and closed the door behind me, the noise alerting my three guests to my emergence. They had been silent. I smirked at them. They had no shitting idea what was going on. They couldn't handle it. Except maybe Doctor Morton. I took a seat on the three-seat couch, on the other side from Doctor Morton. I gave Duke a long stare but then focused my attention on Kaiba. His expression was stony but I could tell he was so confused beneath it.

"You don't love me very much now that you know I'm a schizo that screwed two other guys, do you? No, you only liked me when I was the changed Serenity. Love really does stand for nothing in this world," I said to him, smirk still in place. His eyes narrowed for a second.

"You can't make a judgement like that," Kaiba said. "For someone who knows me so well, _Anasara, _you certainly gauged me wrong." I laughed.

"Be serious, Kaiba. You can't still try to profess that you love me."

"Why not?" Doctor Morton interrupted. I shot him a sharp look.

"Stay out of this. This is between me and him," I snapped, my attention reverting to Kaiba. "I'm nothing like you were ever expecting to deal with. Now you know I've lied to you by pretending to be Serenity so long. People hate to be lied to."

"In that case, you lied when you said it back to me since you did lie," he replied.

"No, I meant it. I wasn't lying to you. Everything I said to you in your bed, as you sank yourself into me and my tangled web, I meant it all. I just didn't tell you because Serenity like the brave idiot that she is tried to hide her condition from everyone. Only Doctor Morton knew. Every Saturday, he'd have the honour of speaking to the three of us. We come out whenever we want. She's not really in control. She may have been born Serenity, but it is Anasara and Sarazuka that really control this body. She is useless."

"Don't say that about her!" Duke interjected. I smiled sharply at him.

"Hearing the truth about the girl you screwed with isn't fun, isn't it? You're probably too weak to handle this anyway. None of you are. You should stay away from her. Your precious little Serenity that we get packaged with, she's nothing but trouble."

"What do you mean by saying that?" Doctor Morton asked.

"I mean they are both useless and I wish they'd just dissolve. I was not meant to be a part-time person."

"That's a selfish thing to say, Anasara," Kaiba said.

"You don't get by in the world by being generous, Kaiba. You know that. If you don't take what you can, you'll be nothing. You won't hear me apologising for anything, you know. I'm glad I came into existence, glad I met Kaiba, glad I fell for him and glad I let him fuck me until my brain went numb. Whether or not you men got used property is not my problem—"

I would have said more, I would have let out all the venom I had built up, but I felt my conscience slipping. If Serenity hated us, fine. We hated her right back, or at least I did. She was keeping me from my life. And at this point, I had come to just not tolerate that anymore.

Sarazuka

When I took over, we were in the living room and the guys were giving me this wary look like I was a murderer or something. Even Aran was looking at me strangely. It was funny so I giggled.

"Let me guess," I began, "Anasara said too much again, didn't she? She can be so selfish when she wants. It's a shocker that she tried to save Serenity for so long, when all this time she's been wanting to bust out and do what she wants, walk on the wild side." I looked at Aran and smiled. "Like fall for someone and make love."

"You're Sarazuka, then," Duke said.

"Ding, ding, ding. Smart boy. I can see why Serenity would like you. You're so wild and free, nothing like she is. It's what she secretly wants to be, but, no, she thinks she must box herself up in a cage and control everything. She needs to learn to let go."

"I've already told you, Sarazuka. It's not her personality type. She can't do what she's not comfortable with," Aran replied, his expression loosening. I chuckled.

"But she's got three different personalities to take from. What more can she want?" He shook his head at me and half-smiled.

"It doesn't work like that, dear. She's not you or Anasara."

"Maybe she should be me."

"Sarazuka."

"Oh, alright. This is her body, first and foremost. Sure, I break the rules all the time. I go clubbing, I dance in cages and I went to bed with you. But she knew that was bound to happen sometime so shame on her. The most surprising thing is that Anasara of all personalities would beat me to it. Serenity would have done it just to spite me."

"She trusted you, that's why. You just saw it fit to break that trust."

"You weren't complaining when I was in your arms, Doctor," I teased.

"Because you convinced me to let it go. Being in love with you is dangerous."

"Danger is the spice of life. Maybe I should let Serenity get a word in. She's the one taking this hardest."

"You thought she wouldn't?" Kaiba asked cuttingly. I just smiled at him.

"She's weak. She never handles anything well." Before Aran could object, I willed myself back into the subconscious and let Serenity take the wheel. It was her mess to clean up anyway. That was the price she'd pay for secrecy.

Serenity

When I regained consciousness, I found myself among my three former bed partners and all the animosity, shame and anguish returned. I brought my knees up and ducked my head but I knew they deserved answers and apologies. The tears cascaded from my eyes, bitter, angry tears that stung as they left my eyes. I raised my head and wiped the tears from my eyes before looking at them.

"I'm so sorry. All of you. I shouldn't have let this happen. I should have kept away from all of you. I should have been more careful. I should not have let them do as they pleased. I should have taken those pills even if they made me sick. I should have controlled them better," I said, each regret-filled work sticking the stake of shame further into my heart.

"You couldn't have done anything about it, Serenity. This isn't your fault," Duke said.

"It is my fault! I knew they were dangerous and unstable. I knew they had to be kept away from the world. Instead, I opted to try to control them without using the treatment. All that journaling and counselling did was confuse me more."

"Serenity, you need to calm down. Everything will be alright," Doctor Morton said.

"Nothing will ever be alright. I have done a great injustice to all of you by making you fall for people who aren't even real."

"They are real—" Doctor Morton began to protest.

"They aren't real. I'm not real either. People who share a body can't all be real. They're all just elaborate problems."

"Serenity—"

"I don't want to hear anymore, Doctor Morton. I'm sorry for all the trouble we've caused. I would like all of you to leave now."

I forced myself up and headed for the door and held it open. They got up to follow, reluctant and determined.

"You can't run from this, Serenity. You have to deal with it properly," Kaiba said.

"I won't talk about this anymore. Please just leave." They began filtering through the door, probably realising that I couldn't take it anymore. As soon as he was the last one through the door, Kaiba turned.

"This isn't over," he said. I slammed the door in his face and locked it, letting my pure grief take me as tears and sobs shook me. _I_ was in control, not them. I would do now what I knew I should have done so long ago.

I headed to my room before the others got any bright ideas and picked up the orange bottle of pills. There were about twenty pills in there. One everyday was the dose. Had I taken them every day, my body would have become acclimatised to the agony eventually, right?

I went to the kitchen and thankfully found a half bottle of wine from the last time Joey had been here nearly four months ago. Apparently, all this time, Anasara and Sarazuka had taken me for a fool, controlling me and giving me grants of freedom. They made me think I had them under control until my control was taking from them the thing they really wanted. I poured a full glass and looked at the bottle. I could start tomorrow.

I drank half the glass of the dry wine and felt how utterly unpleasant it felt to drink all that it one go. It couldn't compare to how unpleasant it was to live with two other people pretending to be you. My eyes hit that bottle again.

Why start tomorrow what you can start today?

I opened the bottle and tipped it into my hand. Six came out. I jiggled them in my hand and heard them hit one another. One a day, the label said.

I threw back my head and flung them into my mouth and took a big gulp of wine with it.

Why try to fix problems when you can just eliminate them?

I tipped the bottle into my hand again, another eight spilling out and in seconds they were making their way down my throat with a rich helping of red wine. My glass was almost empty.

I poured the last six into my hand and held in the other the glass once the pill bottle was on the floor. I looked at my pitiful reflection in my blackened TV screen and held up the glass.

"Cheers, bitches." When the last of the pills was gone, I headed to the medicinal cabinet and smiled upon the bottle of drowsy cold syrup I had. I brought it back to the living room with me and poured its contents into my wine glass, drinking all of it in one go. Hell, here I come. I was already there now, anyway. I finished off the bottle of wine, its taste not as horrible because of the remnant drops of cold syrup in the glass. Unfortunately, that was the last bit of alcohol I had in the house. I started feeling sleepy and I laughed, the delirium catching up to me.

I was in control. No doubt about it this time. I lay down on the couch, mind getting foggy, staring up at the ceiling and patches of memory I'd never seen before came up. Kaiba laying on top of me, hips pressed hard onto mine. Doctor Morton kissing my stomach.

"You sluts had a real good time. Good for you." My mind continued to cloud, taking my vision with it and memories of the sweet touches of my most beloved Duke came to mind. It occurred to me briefly that when Joey found out that I was dead, he'd be heartbroken. But Mai would make all that go away in due time. Once he didn't know the whole truth. While we were taking turns to be selfish, it occurred to me that I should not have cared if he found out. I was about to fall unconscious, about to leave the world that would be better off without my nuisance and I began to feel a dire sense of happiness. I was in control. I was doing good. I was also high on medication. I laughed a small laugh, lost in euphoria and feeling that I was just about to fall over the edge. Falling, falling, falling.

Hell, here we come.


End file.
